Humor: You Know You’re Celiac If . . .

Image by Yeu RodVall from Pixabay

I have seen variations of this list posted many times, never with an author credited. I’m sure there’s several by now, as more people add more ideas. I do not take credit for the list as a whole.  And this is not to be confused with “humor” that is non-Celiacs/non-GF people making fun of those of us who are. They just make things harder for us in my opinion.

The cookie photo at the bottom, however, is mine. Please don’t take it.

. . . you’ve ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

. . . you weep at picnics, parties, receptions, and breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

. . . you’ve “brown bagged” it to an elegant dinner.

. . . a 7-course meal is a 1-course meal for you: Lettuce.

. . . you’ve installed bookcases in your bathroom.

. . . you’ve driven more than 40 miles to buy a cookie.

. . . it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop, and your eyesight is ruined.

. . . you hold your breath through the bakery (or bread) section.

. . . you feel like you need a loan to pay the grocery bill.

. . . you’ve disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

. . . you’ve brought a suitcase full of food with you an on overnight trip.

. . . your family thinks you’re crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn’t hurt, right?

. . . you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis.

. . . you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and lettuce roll-ups.

. . . having solid poop is the highlight of your day.

. . . you have actually doodled a new cartoon dog on your notes named “Sprue”.

. . . you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they don’t eat them.

. . . you read the ingredient label on green tea – plain green tea. (GFandTasty says: This is actually good advice, some lines *cough*CelestialSeasonings*cough* use barley in flavored teas.)

. . . you pay relatives back east exorbitant shipping rates to send you a $12 six-pack of gluten-free beer.

. . . you cried when you saw your usually careful significant other or other family member brushing the crumbs off of their hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer.

. . . you hear of a new health food store opening in a city close by, and get ridiculously excited, only to drive there, spend 2 hours walking around reading labels, only to leave empty handed.

. . . you take a list of safe drinks to the bar with you and actually consult the bartender before you order a drink.

. . . it upsets you when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins.

. . . people roll their eyes at you when you say “no, thank you,” to someone’s gluten-filled desserts.

. . .  your friend invites you over for your birthday and wants to make you a gluten-free birthday cake, but you plead with them not to, because although you’re trying to seem like you don’t want to put them through the hassle, you’re secretly terrified of cross contamination.

. . . your ‘favorites’ are mostly Celiac sites.

. . . you’ve mastered the art of lying when other people ask you if you’re hungry.

. . . you go to a potluck at a friend’s house and your dish is gluten free; you dive into it first so that you get something to eat before others contaminate it. (GFandTasty says: And I’d only do this if the dish and serving utensil were disposable!)

. . . you long to look at the contents of other people’s fridges and pantries, just to see if you can eat anything.

A delicious cookie we drove to another city for . . . (Ellie’s – Cut Out Cookie)
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